Boy Scout Part

This is jumping into the middle of a process, but I wanted to share. So here it goes...

Ever since grad school (which was amazing, by the way), I've had some language that has changed in how I talk about hard stuff in my life. Hard stuff meaning yucky stuff or things I don't like about myself. Getting into arguments with Grant, for example. One of these things is called "Parts". The term is fairly simple and comes from a theory called "Internal Family Systems" by Schwartz. I learned it a bit differently and don't know a ton about the theory (just a disclaimer). My spin off the theory is this: The idea is basically to fill in the sentence "Part of me..." I'm sure if you think, you'll know you've said it before. "Part of me wants to quit my job", for example, knowing that I will not be quitting my job any time soon. AKA, it's unrealistic, but still, part of me wants to!

So, Grant and I had an argument Sunday night because he wanted to make lasagne for our neighbors and I didn't have all the stuff to make the lasagne. I got really upset. Like unreasonably upset. I was able to hold myself together, but had to be honest with Grant and asked him to help me work through my problem. Silly me, I told him that the hope I cling to is that I will always be prepared. Like a rule that I made for myself that to be a good wife = having enough ingredients for the dinner we are making. Yes, completely made up by myself, yet still something that I spend my time worrying about. I think everyone has their own. Whatever fits for each person is different.

Anyway... it is related to my faith, in that I have to cling to Christ for my identity, rather than clinging to things that I can do for myself. Like having my pantry fully stocked. There is NO WAY I could possibly have my pantry stocked for any and every occasion. I will try, partly because I want the reward. I want to look good. I want to feel good about myself. Rather, I HAVE to remember that I am a sinner. Saved only by the grace of God. So while I will fall into the trap of trying to be good enough on my own, I have hope that I don't need to be. Christ died for ME on that cross. Thank goodness, because in this case, I really can't be good enough if it means I have to always be prepared.