Grief (part 2 of ?)

Well, I feel inclined to blog again today as I've been thinking a lot about my Dad this week. Because I had an awesome Dad and had tons of good times with him - lots of things have been triggering memories - and probably will for a long time. But, this is the first period of the year where I've been without him, so memories seem to come like a flood. Right now, when I think of Dad I find myself taking a deep breath - like a deep sigh. I don't know why - that's my natural reaction.

So, my Dad was a great sports fan and so I have tons of sports related memories with him. Football was his favorite, so this football season has triggered tons of memories. Dad loved the Marty-ball era Chiefs and they're kind of getting back to that style of football (and winning) so that reminds me of Dad. Last night's Chiefs game would have driven my dad absolutely bonkers (questionable officiating, Chiefs squandering opportunities, game down to the wire etc), but he would have enjoyed it. Would love to have debriefed with him Tuesday. All of K-State's improbable wins have reminded me of Dad, too. He started liking K-State because I started liking K-State (before I went to school there and before my brother played on the team for a year). Dad would have loved the underdog 'Cats beating more talented teams.

What stinks about this grieving process is that seemingly everything fun or happy is tainted. Even very happy memories of time with Dad now makes me take that deep breath. I'm guessing over time that those memories will be happy memories again - and not bittersweet like they are now. I think the thing that makes the memories hard now is that they are memories only - not things we'll get to do again together. And maybe that's true of all memories, and we just like to think that we can re-create them again.

I have great memories of Dad and I'm very thankful for those memories. It's just hard to remember and not feel the twinge and take that deep breath.

Some good memories (sorry, no pictures) of fall with Dad:

Chiefs games on Sunday afternoons after church (during visiting time after church, Dad would sneak out to the car and listen to the first few minutes on the radio before we could get home)

Listening to K-State games on the radio (pre Big 12 TV contracts) while driving or pheasant hunting on Saturday afternoons.

Pheasant hunting on Thanksgiving morning (Dad hauling my sorry and tired butt out of bed about 6:30) to go freeze and likely not get any pheasants.

Dad trading in his summer short sleeve dress shirts for his standard long sleeve dress shirts and V-neck sweaters.

Going to Scott City football games (even road games) when I was young. Right before kickoff, my Dad would always yell "Go Blue!" loud enough that when I played, I could hear it in the huddle.

I know I'm lucky to have those and many more memories. I'm looking forward to the time when these memories are sweet again.